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The people who are tripping forever

HPPD is a perception disorder that causes sufferers to have visual experiences similar to taking hallucinogenic drugs, ofttimes sparked by over-indulgence in psychedelics

If yous've ever taken hallucinogenic drugs, you may have had a moment to yourself – lost in the bright colours and fractured spoken communication – where yous think "will this ever end?" Of form, information technology does, but some LSD users study experiencing "flashbacks" – mild versions of previous trips that striking them weeks or even months later. Flashbacks, while peradventure uncomfortable (or more bang for your cadet, whichever way yous want to look at information technology), are temporary and transient, whereas a disorder called Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) is something that sufferers alive with for life, sometimes day in, 24-hour interval out.

While in that location are cases of people beingness diagnosed with HPPD without having touched drugs, it appears that heavy weed-smoking or over-indulgence in psychedelics tin can trigger HPPD, a condition that causes what they come across to exist overlaid with "visual snowfall" or static, objects irresolute shape, an increment in the vividity of colour, or senses of disorientation. Equally yous may imagine, a tour of HPPD when you're doing something like driving a automobile or going on a date could turn out pretty detrimental to your life experience, although some say that they alive comfortably with the condition.

Boston-based Dr Henry Abraham brought first fabricated the earth aware of HPPD in 1983 with his paper Visual Phenomenology of the LSD Flashback, an investigation that analysed 123 LSD patients and their persistent hallucinations post-trip. To discover out more nearly the debilitating disorder from those who know a lot nigh it, we speak to three people who have HPPD to find out more about the condition, how they think they developed it and how it affects their everyday life.

SAM, 16

How do you think your HPPD came well-nigh? When did it start?

Sam: My HPPD came about after a period of perhaps three weeks in which I discovered acid. Stupid as information technology was, I love acid and did it maybe half-dozen or seven times in these weeks. The starting time three times were 25-I and that concluding three or four were existent LSD. The real trigger of my HPPD was when I took a high dose of Ritalin (ADHD medication) while using cocaine. I exercise not accept ADHD, it was for recreation.

Practice y'all take drugs frequently?

Sam: I do use drugs often. Largely marijuana and cigarettes. Most weekends I do MDMA or cocaine in high doses. My psychedelic employ is limited to 1 low dose of mushrooms a long time ago, the frequent use of acid in those 3 weeks I described and ane use of LSD since my HPPD came about. As I'm sure you can figure I really fell in love with psychedelics and tripping. I must stress that I am a happy, intelligent teen, my drug use is not a result of any depression or other such issues.

How does your HPPD manifest itself? What do yous come across and how do you feel?

Sam: My HPPD consists of an overlay beyond my vision of visual snow similar to television static, nowadays when my eyes are open and airtight. I rarely notice this now and information technology's yet only been a month or so since I got HPPD. This does not bother me at all and in my opinion is endurable, though I tin can sympathise why it might drive some mad. The really interesting stuff happens when I smoke cannabis. When I get stoned, the visual snow turns into an overlay of patterns similar to that you lot take towards the end of an acid trip when the trips are less interactive with what you see and more prominent when your eyes are closed. I find I oft see very like patterns such as tessellating squares, triangles and pentagons of many colours. They seem to flash a little and alter rapidly. The more than I smoke, the more immersive and intricate my trips go.

The thing that I love more than than anything about HPPD is how if am for example looking at my phone and I really think near a colour such equally blue, I volition run across bluish patterns on my phone. If I close my eyes and imagine a straight line across my vision I will encounter a directly line but not how I imagined it would announced. If I attempt I can make the walls warp but once more only when I want them too and I can make information technology experience like the world is spinning. I don't know how many other HPPD sufferers experience this but it is one of the most amazing things you lot tin imagine. When I utilize stimulants such as MDMA I trip hard and if I focus on ane point my whole vision will shake and objects bounce around in the most incredible means. There is a lot more to information technology than described but those are I think the most interesting effects.

"I come across it in many ways as a gift, a souvenir given to me by LSD" – Sam, 16

So y'all find it enjoyable?

Sam: When I first noticed it I was distressed but I soon came to terms with it and now honey it. I don't really notice it in my day to twenty-four hours life. This status allows me to take the most incredible immersive trips without any of the weirdness or anxiety of acid. It as well makes me feel somewhat special. I know that when I fume with my friends I am in a whole other dimension, and while many of my friends don't believe me, I see information technology in many ways equally a gift, a gift given to me past LSD. Most HPPD sufferers say they would never affect LSD over again only I did it afterward getting HPPD and had i of the most spiritual trips ever.

Do you lot want treatment?

Sam: No I do not want treatment and I have decided to not tell my parents or doctor. Most of the medication for HPPD has the potential for corruption which I wouldn't want to practise. But the existent reason is because right now I enjoy my HPPD. I look forward to having that gentle trip when I fume weed, it's entertaining simply more chiefly if y'all can as a sufferer get your head round it information technology tin be immensely beautiful.

KRISTY, 30

When did your HPPD begin?

Kristy: I've ever had a grade of it since childhood. I remember telling my mother about seeing halos around the age of seven. I have also always had some sort of visual snow. Information technology wasn't until this by yr that it truly manifested. I believe it came from the heavy use of mushrooms and LSD as well every bit an ayahuasca anniversary and DMT.

Are you a regular drug user?

Kristy: Yes, I smoke weed daily and I'm still taking micro-doses of LSD occasionally.

How does your HPPD manifest itself? What do you see and how do y'all feel?

Kristy: My HPPD causes heavier visual snow than before and it increases with stress and anxiety. I see double, and even triple images, ghost images on everything, trails, starbursts, bright streaks of light beyond my vision, things movement or "clamber" at times. I see geometric patterns on some things, like tiles or when I close my optics. I also have tinnitus pretty bad, sometimes very irritating. Sometimes my hearing is affected, I'll hear echoes or things audio like they take a mechanical filter on them. My feet was horrible at first only I have it nether control now. I was having panic attacks daily for near a month until I accustomed the disorder. I get brain fog, or as I like to say, a case of "the stupids". It'southward like my brain isn't fully working. For example, I was driving and continued to make right-hand turns simply couldn't figure out why I was lost. I seem more emotional, like the emotions are more than intense and harder to control. I struggle with random, depressing thoughts, like suddenly feeling hopeless for no reason. I have a very difficult time sleeping and I get anxious easily.

Is it ever enjoyable or just distressing?

Kristy: Information technology can be pitiful because no ane understands what I'thou dealing with. The hardest part I have with it is being misunderstood past others or thought of every bit a liar or a drama queen. I've lost many friends, which is sad. I do find information technology enjoyable, surprisingly. I consider myself to be a Psychonaut, so I bask seeing the earth differently. I'm also an artist and I notice information technology helps me with my art. I too believe that staying positive is a major factor in controlling the HPPD.

Are you beingness treated?

Kristy: I've told my doctors nigh it and they all seem clueless well-nigh the condition. And then, no I am not receiving treatment, withal, I am on anxiety medications. I don't know about a cure, only I promise one is found. There are many people who can't handle this disorder.

BORISZ, 24

When did your HPPD begin?

Borisz: When I was around 18-xx I went to a festival and got really drunk. Someone gave me a pill and I ate it. As simple as that.

Are you lot a regular drug user?

Borisz: Since I took that pill I've studied drugs and kept my easily make clean. I however like to smoke weed.

How does your HPPD manifest itself? What do you see and how do you feel?

Borisz: This is a proficient one. What I run into is close to visual snow. Information technology's like when your boob tube doesn't go clean source and you tin can see the picayune frames of the picture show popping around really fast. Information technology all started with a single white dot. At the time I thought I was seeing stars rotating and I thought information technology was awesome and enjoyable.

The feelings HPPD gives you are hard to describe. Yous are basically non in this world. Then everything you lot exercise, call back and experience is questionable. Does my female parent really love me? Mostly anti-social feelings. After waking up I don't want to see people at all. I'm 25, a place where friends are not like shooting fish in a barrel to find (for me) and thus I have no-one to talk to nearly my personal feelings. This is all a big fucking mess. And it's in my head...

Is information technology ever enjoyable?

Borisz: It depends on your state of listen. If I am in a good mood I can bask the visuals, especially earlier going to sleep. The dots beginning to manifest and it's like liquid paint all around me. Coloured shapes of null everywhere. Throughout my iv or five years of this crap I accept had but a maximum of ten times when I wanted to ditch the visuals. When yous run across something for years it can get annoying yes, but as I said it depends on my mood.

Are you receving treatment?

Borisz: At that place is no treatment for this. I'm trying to eat vitamin complexes, Omega three fish oil, Brahmi and other herbal extracts. I do of course, and eat easy to digest foods like cooked eggs. I do believe information technology can be cured, and it is my individual goal in life to find a natural alternative medicine that will clear all of the symptoms. What else can I do?